It just really fucking bothers me when I think about the fact that I am literally so preoccupied with food and weight and numbers and fat and calories and everything about that while most people DON’T EVEN NOTICE. My world REVOLVES around this shit and some people could not care less. Like I don’t even know what normal people think about or like to do or anything because my brain cannot comprehend anything else.
Anonymous asked: Hey how do I start to recover from an anorexic mindset? :(
Imagine yourself in 50 years, if you’re even lucky enough to make it that long.
Your grandchildren are playing in your backyard. They’re asking you to come out and play with them, but you’re too weak and tired.
Your son asks you to meet his new girlfriend, but you keep making excuses because you are too ugly, too fat and she will judge you.
Your marriage is slowly falling apart because you’re too detached and (s)he is sick of trying.
Imagine yourself in 30 years, if you’re even lucky enough to make it that long.
You’re on your way to the grocery store to get your safe foods.
All you see is numbers, fat, protein, sugar, carbs, too much, too this, too that. You end up getting exactly the same things you always get.
Your partner comes home from work and kisses you on your forehead. (S)he no longer kisses you on your mouth because your breath smells like death, and it’s too much for them to bear.
Your kids are always asking you to do things with them, but you don’t have time because you have to plan your food or exercise.
Imagine yourself in 10 years, if you’re even lucky enough to make it that long.
You’re done with school, and you tell yourself that now is the time for change. And as you say those words your stomach rumbles, and you start the new you by eating a rice cake.
Your friends(the few that are left) are asking you to go out with them, but you’re too busy, something family related has happened, you don’t feel well.
You spend every day looking at recipes that you will never get to taste. You go into bakeries and bakery sections in grocery stores just to look at the food, but you never buy anything.
Imagine yourself in a year, if you’re even lucky enough to make it that long.
You are sick and tired of being sick and tired, but there’s nothing you can do.
You have given up, and you feel everyone else giving up on you too, but you don’t blame them.
Everyone else is moving on, but you’re stuck feeling miserable and lonely.
Every day is a struggle, and you can’t seem to find the light.
Imagine yourself tomorrow.
You have the power to create your future.
Start with tomorrow, or even better, start today.
You have a life to live, but if you don’t choose recovery, you will never know just how beautiful and exciting that life could be.
You have been fighting to hold on to your eating disorder.
Now is the time to fight to let go.
I have reblogged this many times but I will continue to reblog each time I see it on my dash because this beautiful strong girl inspires so many & her words deserve to be spread accross the globe as I know so many will be touched by her wisdom.
Let me just say, just because you eat healthily and work out doesn’t necessarily mean you ARE healthy
Being afraid of sugar, a piece of cake, or anything not clean is not “healthy”
Being pissed and anxious and upset and mad at yourself for missing one day of working out is not “healthy”
Your entire life revolving around food, exercising and being healthy is not “healthy”
Just putting that out there
"Pain is not pretty.
Some people make it seem
Let me tell you
There is nothing desirable
About a mental disorder.
Counting and recounting numbers, meticulously accounting for every little thing
You put in your body.
But it will always be too much.
Spending your days
Choking and gagging,
Tears streaming down your puffy face,
All for some disgusting relief
That your dinner lay somewhere
Other than your stomach.
But yet, you still feel huge.
All over something
That your body needs to survive.
Because that’s not something you want to do anymore.
It’s not for vanity, I never starved or purged because I thought it would somehow make me beautiful.
Pinching and grabbing at the excess you see
In a terrifying reflection
Through distorted, lifeless eyes.
It’s a nightmare,
It’s an eating disorder.
And it takes control
Of your entire life
And every single thing you do."
The Not Glamorous Truth of a Not Glamorous Disease (via n-ullibicity)
My hearing aid for anon:
I can hear when I have my hearing aids in, otherwise I’m pretty deaf.
What happened was: At the time I was severely anorexic,and as a result I had no immune system so I caught every cold going around, and one of those colds came with an ear infection. I never thought anything of it, then one day I woke up and I couldn’t hear anything at all. I took myself to the ER in a complete panic. They said that the infection went to my inner ear and caused nerve damage and that I’d be lucky if I ever got my hearing back.
I am lucky, my hearing came back some. So with my hearing aids I can hear much better. Still not 100%, the tests showed 85% which is pretty damn good considering they told me not to hold out hope on getting it back.
***Feel free to reblog this. I would actually appreciate if you did because I think this shows the harsh reality***
You are going to mess up, ‘relapse’, fail, cry, starve, take two steps forward and one back.
You can get there.
Don’t ask yourself if you want to recover.
Ask yourself if you want to be on this earth in 10 years.
Because you could be, you could even be here smiling,…
Eating Disorder Treatment Options
When beginning to research treatment options for eating disorders, most people, if not all, have little or no familiarity with the terminology. As discussions begin, professionals hit you with terms like IOP, IP, PHP and others. Not only do they not understand the abbreviations, they also are not certain of the differences between them. Here is a brief overview for the uninitiated concerning treatment options, what they mean and when they are appropriate.
1 – Inpatient (IP)
This is usually the most intense and serious of the treatment options. Inpatient usually means in a hospital setting but there treatment centers that meet the definition of inpatient for insurance purposes that are look more like a college dorm setting than a hospital. Inpatient is 24 on-site monitoring by nurses, medical doctors, therapists and a psychiatrist. Inpatient can last from 30 days or more depending on the severity of the eating disorder and the progression of recovery. It is not uncommon to be in inpatient for 3 to 5 months.
2 – Residential
This is the hardest type of facility to get insurance to cover. Residential means a facility that has similar care as the inpatient but is in a more relaxed, home-like setting. These facilities normal can care for to 60 patients at any one time depending on size and staff. Most residential facilities can not provide care for those who are in the most serious stages of an eating disorder. Many require that the patient be medically stable and be above a minimum weight for their body. If insurance will not cover residential treatment, be sure to check the plans definition of “residential.” Many times the insurance definition will not match what the residential treatment facility provides.
3 – Partial Hospitalization (PHP)
PHP is often provided by facilities that also provide inpatient or residential treatment but not always. This level of care basically means that you are medically-stable but are still in serious need of treatment. Basically, being in treatment becomes your job. PHP treatment can be anywhere from 3 to 7 days of care for 4 to 8 hours a day. The patient does not stay overnight and may need to arrange breakfast and/or dinner on their own. This can also be a step-down level for some who have been in IP or Residential treatment. Basically, this is residential or inpatient treatment without the lodging.
4 – Intensive Outpatient (IOP)
Intensive Outpatient is very similar to PHP but is usually 2-4 days a week and may only consist of 2 to 4 hours each day. Many facilities offer an evening IOP option for those who are in school or have a job. This can be an important treatment option for those in the early stages of an eating disorder who need more than once a week outpatient treatment. This is also another step-down option for those in a higher level of treatment.
5 – Outpatient
This option is where most people start. This would normally be a visit to a therapist once or twice a week for an hour. Nutritional Therapy would also be included here. When people return from higher levels of treatment, outpatient treatment is to be continued on a regular basis to continue the recovery process. Usually, this is the easiest level of treatment to be covered by insurance but are often limited to 20 to 40 mental health visits per year depending on your plan.
6 – Transitional
There are some facilities that offer transitional care for those leaving treatment and returning to normal life. These facilities continue to offer counseling services and the patient works at a job or school or some other activity during the day and returns to the transitional program at night.
7 – Support Group
This is the most basic but often a very helpful level of treatment. This is an entry-level treatment for those looking for answers and support. Here they meet others who are struggling or in recovery and can see they are not in this alone. Support groups are an important part of a patients aftercare program as well. Contact your therapist or local hospitals for information on support groups in your area.
(Source: , via recoveryisbeautiful)